most powerful amplifier Do Different Perspectives Affect Relationships?
"On the display, we can buy some Christmas gifts," Carol said."We will wait and see," I said .""If there's something we can use, okay.Otherwise, we won't buy anything."These two seemingly insignificant little statements lead to 40 minutes of clarification and a deeper understanding between Carol and me.That conversation kept a lot of mixed messages, frustrations, thoughts.Reading and confusion.It is disturbing that many of these brief conversations have occurred in our past and have not been clarified, and they have caused heartache, pain and cold --Should (I know it's not a word but it's a good description ).For us, these conversations and hindsightMathematics has always been different and misunderstood about views.I would like to know if you have had a similar situation either personally or professionally.I think that's more than we want to admit.This is what happened.After our initial conversation, there was a few minutes of quiet-frustrating silence.I appreciate Carol's willingness to open up a tricky conversation and dive into the heart of it rather than get the distorted perception to the boiling of toxicity.Because we are traveling in the car, it is impossible to avoid it. it is only two of us.Captured by electionCarol's point is that our decisions are always based on money.She felt that unless she could justify (to me) the logical, rational "need" of expenditure, she could not spend money on anything.She thinks I think she's an impulsive buyer, always wasting money at the UNnecessary, un-needed, un-Something practical."I didn't think of money at all.From my point of view, I have been doing an important cleaning jobGo out and don't want to start collecting any more.In the office, I kept and stored many articles, papers with notes and ideas, magazines, conference bags, brochures, etc.I have an old t in our closet-Shirts (I can see thin enough through them), holey (not sacred) jeans, wear-Wear casual pants and worn-out shirts.In the store, I have wood and metal, used car parts, used nails, screws and gadgets, part of these things, I have an idea that one day I will find the use of these thingsI 've put those things down-go to the recycle bin, the thrift store, or the dump.I feel good about my achievements and don't want to start stock tradingpiling again.Whether it's right or wrong.The challenge is that we don't understand each other's opinions, and we all make mental judgments based on lack of understanding.Our views have put us in trouble.Lock to be a victimCarol accused me of being a controlling spender, and I accused Carol of being a big collector of useless garbage.One of the most powerful lessons I 've learned is that being hurt can ruin relationships because we blame someone or something for the consequences of our own choices.Because fragile emotions are closely related to this situation, we either avoid talking about it or take sudden action --throat attacks.What follows is a negative spiral in which we make up more B.S.The stories in our minds, fighting for unrelated events, the foundation of our relationship collapsed.Given the idea, I have a challenge for you, should you choose to accept it (is that a surprise?).Consciously aware of the psychological reaction of what you say to another person.Follow the process below so you can ensure a clear, understanding and stronger, successful relationship.Pay attention to negative reaction thinking before you say or do anything.Pay attention to physiological reactions: red face, accelerated heart beat, narrowed eyes, shallow breathing, clenched fist, clenched chin, or many other possibilities.You may know what they are.Ask yourself, "Do I understand exactly what he/she means?"If you have a reaction, chances are you don't understand their point of view.Ask for clarification bravely.Prepare your questions carefully.Use things like "I'm not sure if I fully understand", "Can you explain to me what you mean?Or "I don't know if I understand what you mean.The statements convey a potential message that relationships are important, "I want to understand," rather than "you are the problem ".”• LISTEN.I repeat, listen.The goal is to understand-not necessarily agree, just understand.Put aside your ego, emotions, agenda, and attachment to your "right" way.Repeat the words and feelings you think you hear.Continue to ask for clarification before the other party confirms your understanding.You might think, "What a stupid exercise" or "What a waste of time" or "will it look stupid if I ask all these questions?A better idea is, "How stupid do I look if I assume I understand, react negatively, and ruin our relationship?"I find that by asking clarification questions, the other party is usually in a hurry to help me understand.My courage tells them that I really care about our relationship and I want to strengthen it.The process builds intimacy and ability, not distance and despair.You can deny the whole idea and delete the article. don't think about this again.Or you can integrate and apply this immediately in all communication with others.I promise you will see positive results.Is there any evidence that this works?Carol and I bought something and had a good day, had a good chat, had a good chat, and had a good time getting married.This is a good choice for us.How will a similar choice affect you?